Through Their Eyes
by Tib Dunncan
Summary: Someone has interviewed the characters of Invader Zim, and I just happened to find them! Whoo! Lucky me!
1. Dib

_No one will listen. _

_I don't expect them to. _

_Yeah, I may have let myself get a little carried away in the past, but I'm certainly not insane. Someday, I know, this planet is going to need me, and everyone who's ever called me crazy will understand. They'll see that they were wrong. About me. About him. _

_Sometimes, I still think about that virtual future he put together when I threw the muffin at his head. That's the way it sould be. Well, maybe not as stupid as that future was - it was horribly put together - but somewhere along those lines. _

_Maybe when that day comes, my dad will finally believe me. Or, he'll make some dumb excuse about how science can explain it all, and crud like that... _

How do you feel about everyone else?

_No one knows what they're doing. No one has a clue as to whats going on around them. Sometimes, after i've saved the Earth for the umpteenth time that week, I wonder if it's all really worth it. I mean, Most of them are innocent enough, but those people who can't help but... nevermind. Point is, Humanity just stinks. Why i bother to protect it, i don't know. I just do._

Do you feel like you ever gain anything out of your efforts? Your successes?

_Most of the time, no. But when I really have that pull-through-in-the-end victory over the filthy alien scum that's trying to destroy our planet, I can't help but feel... proud. And when I finally find another piece of the puzzle that identifies their race, their planet... it feels good. It's something no one else has ever done before, and I have. I know it sound a bit concieted, but When I do beat him - them - I feel just a bit better than the rest of them, all the others who have called me crazy my entire life._

How do your fellow Eyeballs percieve you?

_..._

Dib?

_How do you know about that?_

O...kay...maybe we shouldn't...

_No. Uhm... Everyone in the network... reguard others as fair equals, even though... we have... seperate levels of... teams..._

If you want, we don't necessarily need to cover that specific topic.

_Thank you._

Now, how would you say you percieve yourself?

_M...myself? Uhm... normal. I'm not crazy. I'm just not. I feel like I need to make a strong point of that. I guess I'm kinda' paranoid. I definitly see and understand things that most people would never dream of. I.. uh...guess I'm not a very social child. No one's ever given me a reason to be. Uh, I'm... not stupid, I guess, but I don't see myself as, uh, superior, or anything..._

And Your dad? What does he think?

_Well, to put it plainly - and he hasn't gone through any trouble to hide it from me - he thinks I'm insane. Purely and completly beyond mental help. I don't mind, though. I'v learned to live with that. it's not like he's going to really do anything about it. He just goes on hoping that I'll drop my passion for the paranormal, and pick up on what he calls "real science". Right. Anyway, he's kind of hypocriti - wait. Where did you say you were going to publish this?_

Don't worry, your dad wouldn't be able to read it if he tried.

_You sure? _

Yes.

_And you're taking everthing I say, word for word?_

Yes.

_And you're sure This isn't going to cause any problems?_

Yes.

_Word for Word?_

Dib...

_Okay, okay... Uh.. Well, he's... kind of hypocritical. He's always telling me not to be so obsessive, meanwhile, he obsesses over... whatever he does at the lab, every day. I don't think my Dad really ever sleeps anymore. The lab had to hire an entire nightshift just because he stays at the lab for days at a time. But, you know, he just...doesn't realize that he's really obsessing over anything._

Anything else? Any personal statements you're willing to make?

_Well... reguarding Zim... There is one. I don't... exactly know how much longer... Until the Irken Armada comes. I... Well, just be ready, Earth._

Don't worry. I don't think the Armada is coming anytime soon.

_Right. Also... Thanks. It felt good to actually be believed without and deception or critisism...._


	2. Zim

Chapter two – Zim

**What are your plans for the conquest of Earth?**

_I'm not telling you, stupid human filth!_

**Zim, this is for Jhonen – **

_I DON'T CARE WHO IT IS FOR, MISERABLE HUMAN!_

O**…kay. Next question… What exactly IS the difference between a Voot Runner and a Voot Cruiser?**

_Nothing. They're the same. Any primitive life form can conclude that on their own!_

***Sigh* Zim, please, I'm just trying to-**

_LIES!!!!!!!!_

**But you… don't even know what I was going to say…**

_Yes I do._

…

_Well, are you going to get on with this interview or are you just going to sit there?_

**I'm trying to, but you're making it kind of difficult, Zim. Alright, next: Your home planet. How many moons does it have?**

_One. Earth only has one moon._

… **I meant Irk, Zim…**

_Silly little worm baby! There is no such thing as an IRK…_

**Look, we all already know about your planet – **

_Then why are you asking me all these ridiculous questions?_

… **Fine. Okay, Your base…**

_My home?_

**Your SIR unit, Gir…**

_My… dog?_

…

_Miss?_

**ALRIGHT, WE ALL KNOW THAT YOU'RE AN ALIEN, SO CAN YOU ACT LIKE ONE AND STOP BEING SO** **NORMAL?!?**---- just had a total nervous breakdown.

…

***Huff Huff***

_Okay. I think this interview is over. Gir, would you kindly show this human girl to the door?_

Dokey Okey!

**But it talks…**


	3. Gaz

Chapter Three – Gaz.

_At what point did you really believe your brother?_

**... … …**

_Uhm… k… Aren't you worried about Zim trying to take over the world?_

… … …

_Are you going to answer any of my questions?_

**I'v almost finished the last round of this level. **

… _Gaz…?_

**Why don't you go interview my stupid brother?**

_I already have. That's why I was here yesterday._

…

_*Sighs* Gaz, please. One little interview and then I'll be on my way. Gone. Alright?_

**I GUESS… I'm pausing my game now. You have one minute.**

_Alright. Uhm… your biggest success in the gaming world?_

**Ultimate Vampire Piggie Slayer State Champion.**

_Favorite Food?_

**Pizza.**

_Favorite Pizza?_

**Anything that doesn't taste like Pig…**

_Ah. Besides Gaming, your favorite hobby?_

… **Breathing.**

_Yeah. Alright…_

**Ten seconds…**

_Are your toys really programmed to eat human flesh?_

**Yes.**

_Do you think Zim is a threat?_

**No. He's too stupid to actually accomplish anything…**

_Do you – _

**Times up. **

… _I'm leaving…_

**Whatever.**


	4. Gir

Do de do de do-de-do-de-do.

_Uh… Gir?_

Waddaya Want?

_An interview where I don't leave with a migrane. Anyway… What kind of Dog are you, exactly?_

I'm a mongoose Dog.

_A… Mongoose Dog? There's no such thing…_

Yup. TACOS!!!

_…_

Ooooohhhh. What's that thing do?

_No, Gir! Don't-touch-that,-that's-the-recor-_

**…**

**…**

**…**

_Okay. Alright. Let's not touch that again._

I has no ears!!! Hehehehehe!!!

_Erghh…. Why don't you tell me about what it's like.. uh… working with Zim?_

I'm from outer space!

_Yes. I know._

We has food. I like food.

_Gir, can you please focus? I need these interviews for Jho-_

Squirrel! Come Back!!!!!

**(Footfalls. The sound of a door slamming)**

_*Sigh…* Zim?_


	5. Irken

_So, Zim - Just pretend that we all know that you're an alien from the planet Irk. What's it like there?_

Better than this stinking ball of dirt and meat smell.

… _Yeah, okay. That's enough Planet talk… What about your PAK? How does that work?_

Each Irken's PAK is encoded with that Irken's specific purpose. It can be changed only by the control brains on Irk. A PAK is basically the Irken's life and mind. If the PAK goes, so does the soldier. Our bodies are only a tool to navigate. Irkens exist only in their PAKs.

_And I've seen you take things from your PAK. Things that were actually quite large. How does your Pak accommodate such things? _

PAKs, being advanced technology to you Stink-humans, have more interior space than exterior. An Irken can train his or her PAK to dispense commonly used items at their will.

_Such as those metal spider-legs our fans see you use so often._

Correct. Other, less commonly used items, such as… oh, I don't know... an organ transfer device… if one even existed, would have to be taken out of the PAK manually.

_Now, the Irken system of government depends on height?_

Yes. And it amazes me here on Earth how so many of your filthy humans can be so tall and so dumb. It's unheard of on Irk.

_How tall are Your Tallest?_

As tall as some here on Earth.

_So, around six feet?_

In Earth terms, yes. The TALLEST Tallest was 13 and a half of your… feet.

_Irken Children?_

Smeet. Smeet are hatched by a nursery drone as lifeless and are immediately fitted with a PAK, which is then activated and Coded, bringing the small smeet to life.

_The Irken Language?_

Is mostly like your English, thankfully, so I was able to pick up on it quicker, although writing your horrible language is simply painful. Our language has similar characters, although I doubt if any human would be able to understand it.

_Thank you, Zim! I must say, interviewing you has been one of the easiest on this trip. Jhonen will be very pleased that you allowed us to be enlightened into the Irken – Do you smell smoke?_

**TAQUITTTOOOOOOOSSSSS! **

GIR! SHUT THE OVEN **OFF**!!


	6. Professor Membrane

_Professor! Excuse me, Professor Membrane!_

Yes, little girl?

…_. I was wondering if you had time for an interview. It's for Jhonen!_

Ah, Jhonen. Of course I have time for an interview for him! He was the one, after all, who helped me get my show on the air!

_Yeah…. Your show... How many seasons –_

Three hundred and forty two.

_Planned?_

Seven hundred.

_Okay. Did you and Jhonen have any specific plans for the show before he left?_

Actually, yes, we did. We got to film one about temporal object displacement. Went quite well. Everything went as we had planned… and we were amazed afterward… especially since the young child's question about Walton Chunky's Breakfast Chunks was a complete coincidence.

_All the equipment… Who funds it?_

Jhonen funded everything for the first two years, until the show took off. Membrane labs was established with a government grant, and afterwards, I was able for provide the funds for most of the projects and experiments. Only the big projects like the Perpetual Energy Generator had been funded by the government.

_What are some of your future plans for the Membrane enterprise?_

We are currently working on the cure to the Chicken Disease.

_You mean Chicken Pox?_

No, the Chicken Disease, Avionic Corruptus. Once you catch it, you think you're a chicken.

…_Okay. Alright. Avionic Corruptus. Sure. Uh… (Sounds of pages flipping.) Oh, yeah!_ _What about your children?_

I love my children dearly. They're both so intelligent - the top of their classes, in fact. It tends to run in the family.

_Now you have two children – _

Yes, Gaz, who is ten, and my son, Dib, eleven.

… _Now, your son is the one showing interest in science, no? Will he be the one to inherit the Membrane Empire?_

No. He has not yet showed an interest in the magnificent field of SCIENCE! Unless, in the next few years, my son comes to his senses about his Para-science, Gaz will inherit the empire.

_Para-science?_

My son is a little insane right now. For some reason, he believes all these wild stories about ghosts and monsters and aliens.

_And that's a bad thing to you._

Really, I blame myself. It is MY fault for not making him see the beauty of REAL SCIENCE long ago.

_But he's only eleven…_

Unfortunately. He's old enough, by now, to be able to piece fact from fiction, but he refuses to come around. Still arguing that Para-science is a legitimate field of scientific investigation. Why, I was four and was already experimenting with simple chemicals like Uranium and Plutonium.

_Simple… But surly you don't think he's… insane…_

There aren't many other explanations. He's not ADD, ADHD, OCD, or any thing like that, I made sure. Over active imagination is one possibility, but highly unlikely. I've talked to his teachers in the past. Usually, when a child has an overactive imagination, they will do or create almost anything… but my son is only interested in the paranormal.

_What got him started on that, anyway?_

My wife, his mother, fueled his passions for wild stories… When she died, he was only three… But when she died… He didn't give up on anything she had told him. Her death seemed to cripple his sanity.

… _I think this interview's over. Thank you, Sir. _


	7. Group Interview

**Important Key Thing:**

**Interviewer**

Dib

_Zim_

_**Gaz**_

**Gir**

_Membrane_

**_____________________________________________________**

**Hello, I have gathered you all here today to conduct a GROUP interview. Jhonen requested I get all of you in a room together and interview you as a whole. What do you say?**

_Zim will not be intimidated by a filthy HUMAN! Zim will do whatever he wants! I'm leaving._

…

…

(ZZZZZZZZTTTTTT!!!!)

**Did I forget to mention that I put an electric lock on the door? You lot are going to sit, civil, and answer a few simple questions! Understood?**

Yes, Ma'am!

**Good. Gaz, put away the gameslave.**

…

Gaz, do it before she pulls a weapon on us or something!

_**FINE!**_

**Thank you! Now, in accordance to my research, we will start this group interview about pairings. I know, I know, cliché but Jhonen wanted to know what YOU lot think of it. He thinks that they're all repulsive.**

THIS should be fun…

_**Shut up, Dib.**_

**Alright – we'll work our way down in order of popularity. Hmm.. I believe the first one was… ZaDr?**

_What on Irk is THAT supposed to mean?_

**Zim and Dib relationship.**

_Oh, my Tallest._

Dear god.

(Gaz laughing quietly.)

**Would it be safe to assume that you two are in disagreement with this pairing?**

Well, for one, I hate his guts. For two, he hates ME, and finally, HE'S AN ALIEN, FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!

**Alright, relax. What about you, Zim. What do you think about ZaDr?**

_Disgusting humans have nothing better to do than disgrace the Irken name by causing us to 'fall in love' with lower species._

And the fact that it's ME doesn't DISTURB you?

_Well, you pretty much said THAT already, you melodramatic stink-beast!_

…

**Okay. What about the next pairing… ZaGr. **

_**ZA**_-Gr? Great. Who's it THIS time?

**Uhm… ZaGr … Zim and Gaz.**

…

…

_**Don't EVER say that again. **_

Trust me, just don't.

**Advice taken. Next pairing – **

Wait, how many ARE there?

**Many. VERY many, but I'm only going to ask about a few.**

What are they?

**DaTr, ZaTr,and DaGr.**

DaGr?

**Dib and Gretchen Relationship.**

(Dib moaning softly.) I'm far from enjoying this.

_Shut up and get over it, pathetic human._

**Okay. I think, maybe, we'll skip over the pairings. I have the feeling none of you will like what remains very much. So – **

**TACOS!!!!!!!**

_No, Gir. No tacos._

**I WANT DUCK TACOS!!!!!  
**

Seriously, Zim, Gir seems a little… stupid.

_That's just because he's so advanced that your puny human brain cannot comprehend his intelligent strategy… making…_

**Okay. On with the show. Uhm…. Professor; Dib; Gaz. What's family life like?**

Family life? You've got to be kidding me.

**I didn't come up with these.**

_Family life is fine, right kids._

Mmhmm…

…

**Gaz. Again with the Gameslave.**

Gaz. Please, I really don't WANT to die. Put it away.

…

**Okay. Next question! If all of you had to fight to get out of here, who do you think it would be? **

I-

_ZIM, of course!_

**And why do you think that?**

_Because Zim is superior to all of you!!! I will rule you all once I get out of here!_

_**Shut UP, Zim!**_

_NEVER_!!!!

(Sigh.)

_Well, I for one think that this interview is going FINE!_

**Tuna-Chicken! Hehehe!!!**

(Loud, pointless explosion and yelling.)

_No! Leave the fish in the tank, Gir!_

**I gonna EAT the fishy!**

(Interviewer groans.) **I give up…**


	8. Surprize Bonus Chapter!

Hello, Jhonen.

Hi.

So, what gave you the idea for the show?

Well, when I was in gradeskool, I tried to take over earth, too. It didn't go too well.

I can see. But, why these specific people?

I don't know.

And where did you get all the information about the Irken race from? Did Zim actually leet you know all that?

I don't know.

Jhonen, are you going to take an active part in this interview?

Maybe. I don't know.

…

…

Why are all the characters so insane?

Not all of them are. Just Dib. And Gir. And Zim, and Membrane, and the The Tallest, and the Kids' Classmates, and the teachers and the police officers and the demons and invaders and-

Right. Hardly ANYONE is crazy. Sorry.

Heheh… Well, ask more questions.

Right. What was it like, developing three television shows inside a television show?

What shows?

Probing the Membrane of Science, Mysterious Mysteries of Strange Mysteries, and the Scary Monkey Show.

Oh, yeah! Not fun. I frown.

Okay. I'm sorry to hear that.

You SHOULD be!!!

…

Go on, then!

Can you tell me – what was it like, coming up with this concept and being able to manipulate the cast however you wanted?

Well, it was fun. Especially these last few days. Watching them drive you to total hysteria was very entertaining!

… Why you little –

…

…

…

The End (Because the interviewer gave up completely.)


End file.
